Dear Wholly Living Fam,

Happy July!!

I learned a new hobby this month -- crosstitch! I grew up learning how to embroider. It was something my maternal grandma taught me. She made baby blankets and quilt squares, so I was happy to learn something new that would use those skills. It felt like a way to honor her. We have a family member who is having her first baby and in our family, that means a crosstitch quilt where each family makes a square and one of the aunties puts all the squares together in a quilt. We LOVE the one they made when our daughter was born, so I was excited to have the time and space to contribute.

My MIL helped me learn what I needed to know and I did my best to follow her instructions. But I ran into some obstacles. First, I didn't know that the thread would twist and knot itself up. So, I kept having to rip out parts until I finally gave up on that and just rolled with the knots. I eventually learned how to release the thread so that it wouldn't knot up, but it was 2 weeks of working on it every day before I figured that out. By then, I had already done a pivot and taken some creative license on the look of the square. I figure it will be unique! But I didn't take the time to slow down and figure out why it was happening and what I could do differently.

This process was a great reminder that any time we are learning something new -- a new skill, new habit or we are trying to increase our consistency with a skill, it takes practice to figure out what works for YOU to be able to do what you want to do. Any time we are making a change or working on personal growth, there's going to be a learning curve, a natural process of making mistakes where we will need to problem solve and either pivot our approach or, like with my sewing, rip it out and start over.

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Sometimes it's hard to know which one to do. And, honestly, there's no formula to figure out what is best for you in each situation. It's personal and requires your brain to be in a space of calm to figure that out. (Our brains can't problem solve when in stress mode.)

Sometimes just getting into the mindset to be able to problem solve is a process!

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Should you pivot or start over? Or maybe just take some creative license and make an adjustment?

This is entirely up to you and to your project -- on yourself or otherwise!

The pivot is an art and skill that takes time to develop. Knowing when and how to pivot your perspective, your vantage point, or your course of action takes time to know when and how to evaluate if something is working or not and what to do next.

Starting over and scrapping your progress takes a lot of courage and tenacity. But I bet you get closer to "right" the next time and the time after that.

Problem solving and learning to think creatively about the situations you find yourself in, takes practice and time to hone.

All of these are options in any situation where you realize things aren't going like you planned or you're making mistakes you didn't anticipate. Or maybe mistakes that you did anticipate and you are feeling badly about making them?

Mistakes are ok. It's all part of learning. It's all part of gathering new skills. It's the progress that counts. What do you do when you make a mistake? How do you problem solve to decide what to do next?

See below for developing your skills when things don't go as planned, you make mistakes or you're feeling stuck.

Parenthood Resources

I'm continuing to work on my parenting course and will hopefully have some updates for you next month.

In the meantime, I wanted to send you some resources I've created for our community. Some of them ya'll have gotten as part of signing up for this newsletter, but others are new. Check them out and pass along to friends if you find them helpful:

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Managing Mama Overwhelm Replay! Find out more here!​

SOAR Method download Find out more here!​

Big Transitions Toolkit Find out more here!​

Summer Plans Find out more here!​

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Change Tip: Learning to Pivot

If you're stuck or don't know how to get from where you're at to a new mental space, try this exercise to begin to pivot your perspective.

• Imagine your scenario with all of its nuances, details, etc. Write it down if you can.
• Now close your eyes and imagine your scenario as a map on the ground and you are a bird flying above the map. Look around your scenario and think about or write down what is happening around your scenario.
  • Are there other factors contributing?
  • Are there things you haven't considered yet?
  • What exactly isn't working?
  • If you stay on this path, where will you be heading?
  • What are other paths you could take?
  • Are there small changes you can make?
  • What is your end goal?
  • Is there another way to get to the goal that is "better?"
• As you consider other options, pivots or different perspectives, imagine where each of those will lead. Imagine how each of them could possibly get you to the same goal.
• Once you have imagined all the possibilities and where they will lead, you have the basic information to make a decision about where to go from here.
• Write down your decision and why you made it, so that you can use that as a reference point in the future of if you want to do a pivot in this scenario in the future.
• This can work with all kinds of scenarios: parenting, relationships, work dynamics, career decisions, project progress (home, craft, diy, etc.). The sky's the limit!

What helps you decide to pivot? What helps you make your decisions about what to do next? I would love to hear!

Bring on SUMMER!

Summer is going by WAY too fast but we are having so much fun! We've been to family festivals, played a ton of games, gone to the theater, gone through a bout of sickness (a couple, if I'm honest), and spent some much needed time outside. We love having my husband home in these summer months and we are making the most of it, even if most of the days are relatively uneventful and "boring." We are loving it!

I hope your summer is full of moments of love and joy with the people you care most about. If you're struggling, reach out and ask for support. I would love to brainstorm with you!

So glad you're part of this community!

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with you and for you, my friends.

Tiffani

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