Founder of Wholly Living Coaching and Consulting, LLC. I help parents build joy, connection and healing through one-on-one parent and life coaching, online courses and social media content. I'm a mama, wife, friend, therapist and change strategist who has coached and supported hundreds of individuals, families and couples through changing patterns in their thinking, in their emotions and in their behavior around work, marriage and parenting relationships using trauma-informed and body based practices for healing and self compassion. IG: @tifwhollyliving
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Being in the middle
Published about 2 months ago • 6 min read
Dear Wholly Living Fam,
Welcome, October and all the fall things (except for the weather in Colorado)!
I hope your end of summer and early fall is going well. I don't know about you, but I'm about sick of the hot weather and SO READY for the coolness of fall! I think it's coming soon!
Welcome newbies to the Wholly Living community! I'm so glad you're here! This is our monthly (ish) newsletter with some updates and tips/tricks to help you along the way.
If you are on a journey of pursuing a dream, making a change (big or small) or just trying to hang on until the storm calms down, this email is for you!
Living in the Middle
It's October, so it's time to check in on our yearly goals and see how we are tracking for accomplishing all we wanted to this year. Making changes involve a lot of intention to get to our goals and in order to that, at some point, you have to live in the middle of the change. You're not on the "before" anymore but you are not yet in the "after" either. You're in transition. You're in the middle. You're building something, working toward something, hoping for or waiting for the thing to happen. It can be tough in the middle. It can feel like we should quit or give up or find a new thing to work on. If you find yourself in the middle of the things you're doing and it feels hard, like you haven't learned the skill quite yet or the timing isn't right to start something, you're not alone. This is a common spot to find yourself in when making any kind of change. Whether you're improving your physical space or your internal world, there will come a time when you are learning the new skill, or waiting for the thing you hope for and it feels like nothing is changing.
But, I believe if we stick it out, even if we don't accomplish our goal, we will see huge pay out in our character, our stamina and our trust in ourselves.
What are you "in the middle" or working on right now? What is hard for you about waiting for everything to click?
You go from where you start (current state) to where you're going (future state), but you, inevitably must spend time in the middle. Waiting. Trying and failing. Doing things that "should" lead to your goal but you can't tell for sure. Sometimes you have a lot of control and sometimes you don't. Sometimes the actions you do are leading to the thing you are hoping for, but sometimes they don't.
What does living "in the middle" feel like for you?
My husband has started talking to our daughter about how when we have to wait for something or work hard for it, we will be happy in the end. The other day she was feeling VERY impatient about how long it was taking for my mom to drive to our house. So, he took the time to explain to her what the clock will say when my mom gets here, and they talked about how great it will feel to have waited. My sweet girl then said, "This is really hard because I love her so much and just want her to be here NOW!" We commiserated with this feeling over the numerous things we have had to wait for in our lives and told her it was always worth the wait. She sighed and turned to play with her dolls and pretended to be the grandma. lol.
Waiting IS hard. Waiting does require a sense of faith that what we are working toward, want or hope for is, in fact, going to happen. And it's totally normal to doubt that what we hope for will come to fruition, in spite of the work we have put in.
So, how do we get through these seasons with any semblance of faith or hope intact? How do we continue to go through the day to day, not knowing if it will pay off in the end?
See below for how to thrive in a season of being in the middle between what we hope for and where we are.
Parenthood Resources
Calling all parents dealing with kid (or self) meltdowns and unsure how to navigate them!
I heard from many of you over the last couple of months that navigating meltdowns and knowing when to provide structure/boundaries vs. nurturing and compassion has you questioning yourself as parents. You're getting locked into power struggles that feel unnecessary and find yourself wanting to revert to methods of parenting that you know aren't best for your kids. It's confusing and frustrating and often very overwhelming for both the parent and the kid(s).
So.....
I've decided to open my waitlist for my online, self-paced parenting course.
There are tons of resources out there for parents and I KNOW it's hard to know what and who to trust. But I can assure you that my course is different than other parenting courses because it teaches you to trust YOURSELF as a parent and learn the skills to navigate anything your parenting journey might throw at you.
Starting in the new year (still ironing out dates), this cohort will be 4 weeks of live Q and A with content coming to your inbox weekly to listen to or watch on your own.
Sign up for the waitlist (click the link) to get exclusive updates and discounts! Just for signing up, I will send you a free resource to support you in the meantime.
Ditch the overwhelm and feel confident in your parenting while forging deep bonds with your kids. Parenting is hard but you don't have to figure it out by yourself!
To follow along on socials for more updates and encouragement, you can find me:
Instagram: @whollylivingandparenting
Tiktok: @tifwhollylivingcc
In the middle of change tip: Slow down and get busy!
How do you do both of these things??
Slowing down
Many people working on changing things in their lives want the process to be complete NOW. They want things to go faster. They don't want to go through the process of change. But this process prepared our minds, bodies and souls for the end outcome. Being in the middle sets us up to actually be READY to handle what the new/future state will entail. We can't have the end without the middle.
So, slow your roll a bit when you notice you want things to speed up. Acknowledge how much you want the change you're working toward, take a breath, and then look for how you can enjoy the process. Recognize the ways you're already changing. You're probably making more progress than you know!
Get busy!
Active waiting is probably the easiest kind of waiting there is. When you can work on something that is getting you toward your goal, it helps your brain to not feel the need to speed things up. So, find ways to actively wait. Lower your social media intake (which can cause serious FOMO or comparison). Increase your sunshine time. Find a new hobby or revitalize an old one. Reconnect with friends. Take a drive in a scenic place. Get outside. You don't need a full calendar to feel fulfilled, but having things to look forward to in the short term can help you get through the middle spaces of working toward longer term goals.
Finally, just don't give up! You may need to adjust your goals if you're feeling burned out, but making changes for your health and happiness are always worth it!!
My family update:
Full, Fun SUMMER and into Fall madness!
July was full of time with family, birthday parties, family outings, swimming at the pool and lake, meeting new friends, bbqs with old friends and watching the Olympics.
The fall is always a little wild with school starting and ramping up for our daughter's birthday. She turned 5 this month and we could not be more grateful for who she is and how she keeps us laughing and guessing all the time! We are loving her outdoor school program and we are getting into a groove with our longer commute. We are having the sweetest conversations and I"m trying to soak up all I can of her being this age. I truly can't believe how fast this parenting thing is going!
Thank you for being a part of this community. I'm looking forward to connecting with you all more in the future. As always, reply to this email if you have any questions, comments, need support or just want to say hi. Happy to help where I can!
Founder of Wholly Living Coaching and Consulting, LLC. I help parents build joy, connection and healing through one-on-one parent and life coaching, online courses and social media content. I'm a mama, wife, friend, therapist and change strategist who has coached and supported hundreds of individuals, families and couples through changing patterns in their thinking, in their emotions and in their behavior around work, marriage and parenting relationships using trauma-informed and body based practices for healing and self compassion. IG: @tifwhollyliving
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