Keep Making Mistakes

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Dear Wholly Living Fam,

It's finally February!

It is one month into the new year and I'm not sure about you but January felt LOOOOOOOONG!! I spent most of the month doing some hibernating -- resting, writing, walking, playing with my fam, and trying to stay warm (it was WAY too cold!) It was so great to take everything off my to-do list and just rest. It was just what I needed.

February is often the time of year when I hear from my clients that their motivation and momentum for their new year's resolutions or commitments might be waning. The new activities they added (or attempted to add) to their routine aren't quite habits yet. They might be struggling to be consistent or feeling stressed that they may have overcommitted and now can't sustain their new activities in the reality of the chaos of everyday life and rhythms and needs for rest or downtime. Can you relate?

Most of us have this idea in our head of who we want to be or how we want to be and we make our goals based on that ideal, not based on the reality of the requirements of our lives. We try to change what we believe are personal and serious flaws in ourselves. We try to make major changes instead of making small, seemingly insignificant changes that will eventually lead to bigger changes. But even with the small changes, we are going to make mistakes.

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Mistakes are not "proof" that you can't achieve your goal.

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Mistakes are the quickest way to learn in any change process; they are not proof that you are incapable of the goal you set out for. Whether you're picking up some new workout habits, quitting a habit you don't want anymore or increasing the frequency/intensity of a current habit, mistakes are part of achieving those goals. Mistakes are your brain's way of adapting to the change you're trying to make. If we are slow about moving through mistakes, we can learn about ourselves and the obstacles that are getting in our way, for this and other goals in our lives. So, keep making mistakes!

See the change tip below for an exercise you can do today to problem solve for what your obstacles are and what you can learn from them.

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Managing Mama Overwhelm

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Change Tip: Learn from your mistakes rather than quit

Get a journal or your phone or a piece of paper and do this 5 minute exercise when you're stuck in a goal or you are making mistakes along the way.

1. Is it specific enough? Write out your goal and reflect on if it was specific, measureable and time limited. For example, if my goal is to "go to the gym more" but I've only been able to get to the gym one time per week since January 1st, and I'm feeling like I"m failing at my gym goal, then I might reflect that my goal was not very specific, can't be measured and was not time limited. Instead, a good goal might be "Go to the gym 6 times per week from January to June." Now, I know exactly what I'm aiming for and whether or not I have met that goal each week.
2. Is it realistic? Write out all the ways you are making "mistakes" or "failing" at your goal. Write out the obstacles that might be getting in your way of you completing your goals. If we take the example from #1, I might write about my daughter not sleeping through the night and feeling tired because of that, which prevents me from getting up early to get to the gym or being too tired to make time for it. Or I might write about how our family schedule doesn't really allow for me to be away from my responsibilities 6 days per week.
3. Reflect on your reality. Take some time to write out your current reality -- where you spend your time, your energy, your resources. Write out what your mind is spending time on. Write out all the feelings you're having, your priorities, your values. Write where you're feeling cramped or stretched thin. Be brutally honest about where you are right now. (Change nerd moment: this is called 'creating awareness.')
4. Evaluate your reality against your goal. Take a moment and look back at your goal and look at your reality right now. Do they match up? If you value getting 8-9 hours of sleep and your goal is to get up at 5am every morning to go to the gym but you can't get to bed before 10pm, that might not be a realistic goal for you. Or, it might be why you are seeming to "fail" at achieving this goal and might need to make some tweaks.

Reply to this email and tell me about the goals you're working toward or where you might be stuck! And let yourself keep making mistakes...and learning from them!

January Highlights: It was "Brrrrr, cold!"

We spent the month of January as a family getting through the freezing cold days and trying to make the best of it. My husband and I took turns sleeping in on the weekends and making warm soups, getting work done and making the most of all the days off school. We lost our cool plenty of times, but also laughed a lot and collected some fun memories.

I hope January has treated you well. I hope the coming month is full of mistakes you learn from!

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with you and for you,

Tiffani

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