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You can only control....?

Published 3 months ago • 3 min read

March 2024

What is in your control?

Dear Wholly Living Fam,

Happy March!

March is one of my favorite months because it's my BIRTHDAY MONTH! March is the month that my "new year" begins with working on my goals

This year I'm choosing the word "Alignment" as my word of the year. It feels true to what I'm navigating and processing and I know it will bring more healing as I continue throughout this year.

As I've been thinking about what bringing myself into alignment means for me, I have landed in a feeling that was surprising -- helplessness. There are so many things out of my control and trying to control them more without success leaves me feeling frustrated, overwhelmed and, yes, helpless.

So, I started thinking about what are the things in my life (internal and external) that are WITHIN my control and that bring more alignment to who God made me to be and how I need to grow and change this year. It was a little hard to get started, so I forced myself to name the things that are NOT in my control first which then led me to being able to name the things I AM in control of....namely, that I can only control myself. I can't control other people or even sometimes the circumstances around me or my family. But, I can control how I respond or what I do in response to my response (does that sound crazy?).

You can only control yourself.

Sometimes life can feel out of control, like you're running a race but not sure when it will end or when you will get a breather. Work, family, friends, church, school functions for kids, sports for kids, aging parents....these all require a high level of energy from us and be very depleting very quickly. Add in any kind of illness, conflict in relationships or other event that throws a wrench in things and it's easy to get overwhelmed and depleted really quickly. It can feel like our lives are out of control and like we are victims to our schedule or the demands of everyone else. Sometimes we turn to outside things to try to control what cannot be controlled or to just numb us (hello, mindless scrolling). One day bleeds into another. How do we get out of this pattern?

I've learned that if I can only control myself, then I can, and must, learn to allow all the feelings and experiences I have to flow through me and out of me. I don't have to allow them to clog up my heart and mind. I don't have to believe the things I think. I don't have to ruminate on my anxieties or my guilt. I can learn to let those go. I can learn to forgive myself and others. I can access resources to gain new insights about myself, my family or the problems I'm facing. And when I do that, I'm able to control my experiences of my life. I'm able to surrender control of the things outside myself and allow myself to be transformed by my experiences in the ways I need, making me more redeemed, more connected and more of who God made me to be.

See the change hack below for a list of questions to prompt you in the process of taking back control and leaning in.



Managing Mama Overwhelm

  • If you are a mama and feel overwhelmed by all the demands of motherhood and don't know how to get started with managing or decreasing your overwhelm, you are not alone!
  • My new workshop, Managing Mama Overwhelm, will:
    • help you understand what the overwhelm is and isn't
    • identify what is going on in your body, mind and soul
    • normalize your experience of overwhelm, rage, anger, depression, etc.
    • learn what to do when these feelings come up

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Find out more here!

Change Tip: Take control by leaning in

Rather than allowing yourself to be controlled by your schedule or even your changing emotions, allow yourself to take back control by surrendering or leaning in to what is, accepting it and changing what is within your control. Perhaps you shy away from feelings like anxiety or sadness or worry. That is very normal. Those feelings can be uncomfortable. Try leaning toward that feeling the next time it comes up...get curious about it, try to understand it by following these prompts:

  • What am I feeling in my body?
  • What are the thoughts going through my mind?
  • What are the beliefs or messages coming with those thoughts?
  • Can I name a feeling/emotion?
  • When have I felt this before?
  • What is one reason, this feeling is uncomfortable to me?
  • What can I do right now to help this feeling move through me rather than get stuck in rumination? (Then go do that thing!)

P.S. If you don't know what to do to get the feeling to move through you, come to my workshop to find out more!


We LOVED February!

February went by so quickly but we enjoyed celebrating "Love Day" as a family and, of course, sent our girl to school with a hand made Valentine's box. (Have you even lived if you haven't made one of these??!) We ate all the heart shaped things, played games, got outside (Denver was unseasonably warm!), went to the library, and met new friends. We are excited for more sunshine and spring coming right around the corner!


I hope February and the beginning of March have been full of good things and that March brings you opportunities to surrender and lean in.

with you and for you, my friends.

Tiffani

Parent and Life Coaching

by Tiffani Domokos

Founder of Wholly Living Coaching and Consulting, LLC. I help parents build joy, connection and healing through one-on-one parent and life coaching, online courses and social media content. I'm a mama, wife, friend, therapist and change strategist who has coached and supported hundreds of individuals, families and couples through changing patterns in their thinking, in their emotions and in their behavior around work, marriage and parenting relationships using trauma-informed and body based practices for healing and self compassion. IG: @tifwhollyliving

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